The Burning of a Wish in Winter - Episode 4

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[ Beluga’s Room ]

We headed over to Beluga’s room, each holding a piece of Lebkuchen, a freshly-baked pastry that was like a cross between a cookie and a cake.
Her room was sparsely furnished. There was only a bed next to a heap of half-finished matchsticks and bundles of branches.

Beluga: I’m sorry I don’t have any chairs for you all. I do have a mat though, so you can spread it out on the floor and sit on that.
Heathcliff: That’s good. Thanks.

We spread open the mat and sat down on it in a circle, then we got to work helping Beluga out with the matches.

Lennox: I’ll handle the powder-mixing. I have experience with this.
Shino: Let me do that too. I’m sick of slicing up little sticks into even littler sticks.
Lennox: One false step in powder-mixing leads to disaster though, and it requires exacting precision…

Rutile: Easy does it… careful, careful… Ah. It’s crooked. I’ll put this one into the box I buy.
Akira: I had no idea it takes so much skill to slice branches down into matchsticks…
Beluga: I know, right? I’m bad at it too. My hands don’t seem to be cut out for it…
But look, Heathcliff sama’s doing an amazing job! His matches are all cut straight and even.
Heathcliff: Thanks, it’s nice of you to say so. You’re doing really good too, Beluga.
Beluga: Not really, or I don’t think so. I’m born to a family of match sellers, so I’ve been doing this all my life, but I still can't get the hang of it.
(sigh) … If only I were like Heathcliff sama. I’d have nimble fingers, I’d be a quick learner, and even so I’d still stay humble and kind…
Heathcliff: … Thanks. I’m glad you think so highly of me.
Though I must say… I’m not the amazing person you think I am.
Beluga: Oh, I don’t know about that. I mean, look at you…

[ No BGM ]
Beluga: … I just think, if I were at all like Heathcliff sama, my parents wouldn’t have left me behind.
Akira & Rutile: What…

Our hands froze when we heard Beluga’s quiet murmur.

[ Strong wind sfx, window rattling sfx ]

Outside, a cold wind blew. It howled, almost like the fierce winds of a blizzard.

[ BGM starts ]
Lennox: That means, that lady – Maia – was…
Beluga: Maia san’s a charitable soul that’s giving me room and board. We’re not related by blood; our only relation is that I’ve been taking advantage of her warmth and kindness.
Shino: … In other words, your parents ditched you. You’re an orphan.
Rutile: … I’m sure your parents had their reasons, but…
Beluga: Ah, no, it’s not like that! My parents aren’t bad people. I’m a bad daughter.
Anyone that buys my matches will have to look at my matches, you know? You can see for yourself. My matches are a special sort of ugly.
Akira: Don’t say that… I think your matches are beautiful. They speak volumes of your effort.
Beluga: Ahaha. You’re a kind one.
My parents once told me that we can only feed ourselves if we make the prettiest matchsticks. After all, we’re not the only match sellers in any given city or town.
But it didn’t matter how much they tried to teach me, or how hard I practised my craft. I couldn’t get any better at it…
That’s why… I think it was only natural that they moved on to the next town without me, a year ago.
Heathcliff: ………

According to Beluga, her parents had left her some dreamwood branches when they left. Out of sheer luck, they had managed to obtain some branches while they were travelling from town to town.
She thought her parents must have been trying to tell her, ‘Matches that let their user see visions will fetch a high price, so you can survive by selling miracle matches.’ With that in mind, she got to work on making matchsticks out of the dreamwood branches.

Beluga: But… they didn’t sell well at all. Maybe it’s because they were ugly matches. When I did manage to sell my last box, there was a terrible snowstorm, and…


[ Flashback ]

[ Vera City ]

Beluga: (Brr… It’s cold, cold, cold… but if I don’t sell any of these matches, I won’t be able to afford a place to stay the night, much less buy myself a bowl of soup…)
(I feel dizzy… I hope I can sell these matches before nightfall. … I hope I can stay on my feet until then… No, I must…)
(…… Before I get to see you again… will I……
… Papa… Mama……)

Beluga: … Right, I have dreamwood matches. If I strike one of these, I can see a dream of my heart’s desire…

Beluga: ………
I want to see my Papa and Mama.

[ Beluga lights a match. ]

A Vision of Beluga’s Papa: … Beluga….
A Vision of Beluga’s Mama: We love you so much…
Beluga: Papa… Mama…
…If only I had been more capable, if only I had been a good daughter…

[ Strong wind sfx ]

Beluga: Ahh…!

[ Footfall of something approaching… ]

Beluga: (Something’s… coming with that whirlwind of blizzard snow… A pure white… shadow…?)
(Oh… But I’m… getting sleepy…)


[ Present time ]

Akira: ………

I didn’t know what to say to Beluga. She recounted her story while she nimbly moved her hands to fashion matches out of branches.
For someone so young – younger than even Mitile and Riquet – to have gone through so much already… Life had been too cruel to her.

Beluga: … When I woke up, I found myself on that bed over there. Maia san had found me passed out in the cold. She told me she was the one who brought me in.
Heathcliff: That’s… good. I’m glad you were found by such a kind soul.
Beluga: Yep, Maia san’s a really warm and lovely person. She feeds me as much as I want to eat.
She also gave me gloves, a new cloak, and socks too. I’ve only put on the socks. The rest are still sitting in my closet.
Akira: But why? They were given to you, so…
Beluga: Well, I mean… I can’t pay her back for the food and board until they come back for me. I had no choice but to wear the socks though. Mine were torn.
Shino: By ‘they’, you mean your parents coming back for you? But you just said that they’ve been gone for over a year now.
Beluga: Oh, let me explain. I know they’ll come back because it’s what these dreamwood branches mean.

Beluga’s face lit up with excitement. She picked up the dreamwood branch that she’d just pulled out of the sheaf. She happily showed us the dreamwood branch.
She told us about how she’d been finding dreamwood branches sitting on her windowsill. The branches appeared on cold mornings, the type of cold where there was frost on the window.

Beluga: I was scared at first. I wondered if it was an evil spirit up to no good, especially after Maia san told me she had no idea where the branches had come from.
Eventually, I understood why I’d been given these branches. I’m supposed to practise my matchstick-making with them. I have to work harder to get better at it.
And when I manage to do that, then I’ll have become a good daughter, and my parents will come back for me.

Beluga’s gaze had gone distant, held in thrall by the idea.
A glimmer in the shape of a snowflake took form in her eyes.

All of us in the room saw it plain as day. Without saying anything, we exchanged glances with each other.
With a furrowed brow, Shino cut in:

Shino: … Oi, snap out of it. No way you were abandoned just because you’re no good with your hands.
There’s plenty of ways to make use of a kid with fat fingers. Someone’s gotta sell the matchsticks, and do whatever other tasks peddlers need doing. No chance they’d just casually toss a kid away like litter.
Your parents couldn’t afford to keep you. That’s all there is to it.
Beluga: That can’t be, Shino san. You’ve misunderstood my Papa and Mama’s point.
They’re not bad people. I’m the one who’s been bad. I’m bad with my hands, so I’m a burden to them.
Rutile: Heath… About Beluga’s aura—
Beluga: That’s why, every day, I work on getting better at making matches. I want to be a good daughter.
Things usually don’t work out the way I want them to though… because I’m not an amazing person like Heathcliff sama. I’m a terrible, useless daughter, so…
Heathcliff: ………

Heathcliff’s breath caught in his throat. I could tell from the way he cast his eyes downward that he didn’t know what to say to her. Neither did I.

‘I’m going to work hard to become a good daughter.’
Those were loaded words that hurt to hear. They were innocent, like a child waiting for Santa’s arrival.

Lennox: ………

There was a silence that threatened to swallow the room, but Lennox moved through it. Quietly, he sat down at Beluga’s side.
He said nothing as he wrapped an arm around her. He drew her up to his shoulder, and then he ruffled Beluga’s hair and gave her headpats with his big hand.

Beluga: Ah… Ahaha, you’re so warm. Oh, my hair’s getting messed up!
Lennox: Right. I did muss it up. My bad.
Beluga: Oh, that’s alright!
…… Um. … So…
Lennox: Take your time. I’m listening.
Beluga: Okay. … So, it’s like…
Papa used to do this to me too…

[ Lennox smiles. ]

Lennox: … Did he?

Lennox’s smile looked tender and affectionate, but some part of him also looked inconsolable.
All he could do was let his presence speak for itself with its warmth. He remained close to her and gently patted her head.
Rutile joined the huddle from the other side.

Rutile: Beluga, how about a big hug?
Akira: If you don’t mind, I’d love to join in.
Heathcliff: Yeah…
Shino: You too, Heath? Then I guess I’ll pat her back.
Beluga: Wow…! (giggling) Why is everyone so cuddly?

Beluga giggled, tickled pink by all of us huddling around her.
She looked confused, unable to understand why she was getting all these pats and hugs… It was an expression that left a pang in my chest.


[ Vera City ]

When we were done helping Beluga make a number of matchboxes, we each bought a box from her. After that, we left her room.
We headed for the city square, where we were supposed to meet up with the others.

Heathcliff: ………

I caught up to Heathcliff’s side. His expression worried me. He seemed to have gotten more and more downcast as we went along.

Akira: Um… Heathcliff, are you alright?
Heathcliff: Huh?
Akira: Oh, I just noticed you looked like you had something on your mind… Sorry, I shouldn’t pry.
Heathcliff: Ah, not at all…! I’m the one who should apologise for making you worry.
… I was just thinking about Beluga. She was telling us that she’s been a bad child to her parents because she was an unnecessary burden, and that’s what motivates her to become a good child.
Setting aside the question of whether Beluga’s parents really would come back for her just because she got better at making matchsticks… I was just thinking… that I understand how she feels.

He closed his eyes.
His long eyelashes fluttered, casting shadows around his eyes that hinted of a pensive melancholy

Heathcliff: … Actually, I was the same… That time, when I heard that there was a way to stop being a dishonour to my parents…

As Heathcliff murmured those words, I saw his face, and my heart went out to him.
It reminded me of the time when he had confessed to me: ‘I wanted to break a promise so I could stop being a wizard.’


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